Ahhh, Wednesday. Hump day. Kids are back w/ dad until Monday, this week. I never really know what to do w/ myself without them. Most of the time, I just want to veg out on the couch. But I find myself running around getting stuff done. That tends to make me more worn out... Got a lot on my mind today. I am so grateful to be working in the pro-life movement. I feel a sense of mission and purpose that I have lacked since I was a SAHM. Yep, teaching didn't ignite my passion in the same way. There are days, as you know, when I year for a return to those days. Actually, most days. I loved being a mommy. Being a wife to my former husband wasn't so great. He seemed to resist my ministrations. He would pull back from me when I tried to touch him affectionately. He wouldn't come to bed. If he came to bed, he came very late at night, when I was already asleep...sometimes he would try to wake me up and get some "action." I wouldn't call it lovemaking. I found out later that my ex used internet porn. I was devastated. That signaled the beginning of the end. He became gradually more dysfunctional, remote, hostile, and cold. I had to go back to work full-time and we had to take support from his family (and mine) because he lost jobs and was generally unreliable. So, am I grateful today to be sending the kids back to him? Yes, and no. Yes, because I am glad they have a father. They need one. I am glad he cares enough to want to take them half the time. I wish he'd spent more time with them when we were married, but he didn't. Thank God he does now. I am sad, though, because our family is fractured, and I miss my girls. I am not happy with his influence, either. I trust in God that He loves my girls even more than I, and I commend them to the care and protection of our Blessed Mother and their Guardian Angels.